Friday, September 30, 2005

A tangent

Yet another march away from office supplies (I did, however, have a job interview today where I discussed the virtues of photocopiers that can PDF documents and, more amazingly, un-PDF them...)...

The random search feature ("lost for words") on the Oxford English Dictionary just made my night. My first try out was "metastasis." Then I got "pharmacophore." Maybe Monday, if I'm really bored at work, I'll make a haiku out of OED random entries. And then photocopy them into PDFs, post them about the office, and then un-PDF them into a dadaist love poem.

PS, Amazon, yes: your silverware sucks.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Package Tracking, The End

According to the tracking feature, my package was delivered at 11:38:00 am. It wasn’t actually delivered to my desk until shortly after 1 pm. I wish the tracking feature would update in real-time, because then I could have sat at my desk, all excited, knowing my package was coming by on the next mail run. It could have given some meaning to my otherwise mind-numbingly boring day. But no. I was left hanging, thinking my little package was still out in Jersey City. I have so little, Amazon, why do you rob me of such small pleasures?


12:58 pm. My package arrived!
Not that the package tracking feature indicates that, though. Hrmph.

…Now what will I do? How will I fill my day?

Big time package tracking update!

Hurra! My package has not only left Kentucky (boom-chicky chicky schwing) but has arrived in Jersey City! Jersey City…wow…if I squint I might be able to see my little package. The estimated arrival is October 7, however. I think it could crawl here, to beautiful midtown Manhattan, faster. Is it being sent by pygmies? Slow grazing cows? Or will I be surprised early in the week?
The excitement just keeps building!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Package Tracking, Három

Oh, USPS, why? Why?! WHY? Pick it up! You've been notified for a day. Pick it up!
(Or, update your tracking feature). How I want package cam.

Package Tracking, Deux

It may be the middle of the night, but isn't that little ditty something about "through rain, sleet, snow, and late nights when not even Dominos delivers...." Well, maybe not. My package hasn't moved, apparently. Pick the damn thing up! Pick it up!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Package tracking, 1

Today has been a very slow day at "work." Luckily, there is the scent of excitement in the air:
A few days ago, I ordered some books from Amazon.
Because I am a cheapskate (I ordered from Amazon, rather than go to the Barnes & Noble in the building, because the one book I wanted is $6 cheaper. Of course, I have to order $25 worth to get free shipping, but…), I chose the (aforementioned free) super-saver shipping.
Lord have mercy on dull corporate drones everywhere…
I got an email notifying me that my order has shipped.
I click my way towards the tracking feature…
Tracking my package is almost as exciting as bass fishing on tv. With any luck, something will happen before I leave work tonight. Will my package leave Kentucky? Will some disaster prevent its delivery? Will I get it before October 7, its estimated arrival (in time for the weekend…well, next weekend…)? Go, little package, go!!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Halogen, part deux

The Halogen Lamp, Part Deux.
I do enjoy house-sitting. Living on the lower end of the economic spectrum means that I tend to live in, well, rather shoddy apartments with roommates of questionable sanity, although the questionable roommates seem to be more a New York phenomenon than, say, a NJ one, as I had lovely, lovely ones there, but alas, since moving here, my luck seems to run out. But maybe it has just changed. Or not. We’ll see. But I digress rather mightily from the point.
Anyway, I am house-sitting now. Not in a strange, unfamiliar place, but in my boyfriend’s real one-bedroom with air-conditioning. The outfitting of the kitchen leaves a lot to be desired. It only truly became clear to me why he has never cooked for me. But he does feed me well.
He also needs to work on the lighting in his apartment. And that, finally, brings us to the real part of this story. The only real source of light in the bedroom-- which is really the only serviceable room-- is his halogen floor lamp. The overhead light is pure and utter crap. Perhaps a 10 watt bulb? It sort of reminds me of ads by AEG-- the German electrical conglomerate-- by Peter Behrens in the early twentieth century that boasted of the fabulous 7 watts of AEG’s bulbs. I mentioned that to a class of undergraduates once; they didn’t find it as amusing as they should have. (Maybe I should have said it in the however-many-watts-per-channel! voice from that Molly Ringwald movie…16 Candles?… or maybe not, as they, undergraduates that is, tended not to really get my, admittedly lame and outdated, pop culture references). The Behrens lithographs are great, though. Anyway, without the halogen lamp one felt the darkness of a previous century. Sort of. Of course, the day The Boyfriend left, turning the keys over to me, the halogen bulb burnt out.
I will pay homage to the god of the halogen bulb. If only someone would give me the address.
Amazingly enough-- because the boyfriend does not seem the type to tote around replacement bulbs-- he actually has one! And he knows where it is!! And I can find it, based on his description!!! And I unscrew all the stuff, I carefully DO NOT TOUCH the bulb, I screw the stuff back in…and….and…. and…. it works. Hurra. There is light. But I bet his lamp isn’t 12 years old, and that replacement bulb certainly wasn’t. So I’m not really all that impressed.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Useful instructions

Yes, I know this is not an office supply, a pet rock, or the like.

But, there is a great fondness (well, perhaps not fondness) in my heart for Central European plumbing.

At least it's not a shelf toilet.

At least it's not rate-my-pooh in a shelf toilet.

Halogenogeny, or something like that (my Greek's really not that good, but at least I tried)

A long, long time ago, I was sent off to college. With many, many paper clips and staples. Better said, many, many boxes of paper clips and staples. Paper clips and staples to last a lifetime. Paper clips and staples so abundant, that I ought never to have to buy them again. Maybe if I hadn’t moved so much, I wouldn’t have lost those paper clips and staples. Maybe.

But, it’s not the time for the story of how I lost my paper clips and staples. It’s time for the story of my dear, beloved halogen lamp.

At the same time I got that first supply of staples, I got this really nifty halogen desk lamp. Boy was I excited Smith hadn't banned them, because so many other colleges had. My mom -- wanting to be sure her daughter had plenty of office supplies-- sent along a spare lightbulb with me, which I dutifully taped to the box. I kept this box, with the spare lightbulb all through college. (Unlike with the staples, however, she didn't keep buying me another lightbulb every year. There was just that one).

I had this lamp all through college, and I used it all the time. I stored it when I move to Germany. I get it back out when I move to NJ, to start graduate school. (The foolishness of that endeavor, well, is quite another story). The (original) lightbulb STILL works! Hurra! But, of course, I still have the spare lightbulb. I used the lamp all through grad school. When I finally move out of 27 B—home of the pantry, the liquor locker, and so many other things that must be saved for another time-- I pack it up, move it to Montgomery Street for two months, and use it there. Then it gets packed up to go back to Ohio. I go off to Hungary. And then to Vienna. Good-bye halogen lamp… I will see you again, someday, on the other side.

I move to Vienna. Then I move back to the US. Whew-- my halogen lamp is still there. Being rather anal about packing, it is rather easy to find, as it is in the box marked, “Halogen Lamp.” (My phone is in there, too). So I bring it to NYC, and you know what? The original bulb still works!! Wow, that's one long-lasting light bulb! And I still even have the spare lightbulb, my mom bought with all those staples, back when I started college.

Guess what? Two nights ago it burnt out. I was kind of confused-- I mean, all these years (12 years!), it never burnt out. But none of the other lights went out, so I knew it wasn't the power, it was the halogen light. I finally, tonight, found the spare lightbulb. I had to unscrew the glass cover, remove the old lightbulb and put the new one in. I screw the cover back on. And guess what? It doesn't work. I have moved the spare fucking light bulb for 12 years (!), did not lose it, and the mother-f**!&@&@**@ does not f@*#&#& work. I guess I have to go buy a new one. I didn't keep the receipt for the spare bulb, so I doubt they will honor the warranty